Earlier this week when it was announced Disney was buying Lucasfilm for $4 billion and is already well underway with their plans to roll out STAR WARS 7, STAR WARS 8, and STAR WARS 9 over the next several years, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the coming onslaught of related news. I’m certainly a fan of STAR WARS so I’d like to make that clear from the get-go. But there are millions of STAR WARS fans out there (usually found at conventions and Comic-Con events) who need to get a fucking life. It all started when George Lucas released his fourth film in the franchise and people (yes, grownups included) started shitting geek bricks when the movie wasn’t everything they dreamed of. And then the next one came out, and the one after that, and the whining and bitching and moaning simply hasn’t stopped. And now this Disney news has started the whole childish spectacle all over again. George Lucas, I’m so happy that you’ve sold this mess to Disney and freed yourself from these batshit crazy losers, because you deserve a break. You’ve worked too hard to have to put up with these 40-year-old virgins and their pathetic lives. And I’m proud of Disney for taking this shit on. I hope they flip this franchise like a giant fucking pizza, send it off in a whole new direction entirely, crushing the dreams of these childish sexless freaks of nature once and for all.
